Okay, so I'm starting to have some doubt recently, and it's coming from my personal relationship to some of the analysis I've been doing on Tectonic and their techniques. As you've probably already figured out, I think that at least part of the negative reaction following Matt's death is from the (unintended) offense Tectonic caused in Laramie by breezing in uninvited and proclaiming that the Emperor wasn't wearing any clothes. I'm a little worried that I might be doing the same thing-- maybe not so much for the larger social good as the childish glee of getting to hit back. In short, I really need to work out my own ambivalence about pulling a Tectonic on Tectonic. Is it fair to pull back the curtains on them and show their faults like they did Laramie? Am I really trying to be fair in how I see their work in
The Laramie Project, or is there some sense of 'Gotcha!' journalism going on with what I'm trying to do? I don't believe in an "eye for an eye" system of justice or Christian theology, and I sure as heck don't want to wake up one morning and realize that's exactly what I've done here. This isn't about "getting back" at Tectonic at all, and yet I also realize that the temptation to do so is there. I've had a lot of negative experiences due to this play. Stephen Belber and company did some serious soul-searching about their motives in the course of their project. How clear are
my motives, after all?
If you've been following this blog for awhile, you'll understand that question. Sometimes I've gotten fairly snippy with Tectonic's treatment of certain things, such as the robbery motive they effectively ignored in
The Laramie Project in 2000 only to trot it out as a surprising development in
Ten Years Later. If you haven't been following this blog... you'll understand why I'm asking this question after next week's post.
When I first plunged down this rabbit-hole and tumbled through its meandering passages, this was not one of the things I had anticipated finding out about myself. I guess that the reason I'm blogging about this now is that I want my motives to be clear-- not because I think my motives are pure and might be misunderstood, but because I'm afraid they aren't. I'm hoping that full disclosure will help keep me honest. Since I've seen what happened when Laramie became a "Town in a Mirror," I need to be sure not to visit that same kind of harsh scrutiny on others just because my own wounds still sting a little. And, selfishly, I'm kind of hoping that you all out there can help me.
PHOTO CREDIT:
"Goodbye, Grand Tetons," from Jeffrey Beall's Flickr Photostream:
Jackrabbit,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post. It's always good to step back and ask 'Why am I really doing this?' to reaffirm our motives. Most often we do 'it' (in this case your blog) because it is simply a way of sharing. But when it changes...when our path veers we often need to revisit our original path and ask 'Do I still want to wander down this road?'
Very insightful. Great job!