[Hello all! As of today, the Jackrabbit will be spending most of her weekend furiously typing on her first round of PhD field exams in medieval literature. So while I'm collapsing into a nervous wreck over Boethius, Beowulf, The Pearl poet and/or Chaucer, please enjoy the melodious tones of this silent scream into the Bloggosphere...]
So, the good news is this: I found out last week that I am going to be talking about The Laramie Project at an interdisciplinary academic conference focusing on "memory and trauma" as their theme. I'll present the paper in March as part of a panel on issues of narrative trauma, representation and recursive storytelling (this would take a lot of time to explain.) Anyhow, my personal experience with The Laramie Project and questions regarding trauma and memory are going to be placed alongside narratives of natural disasters and displacement, civil war, and victims of seemingly motiveless violence. And among all this, I'm supposed to come up with something theoretical and pithy about The Laramie Project that will make the collective cogs in the audience members' heads hum pleasantly, a good performance of academic gymnastics. And at the moment, the prospect of this makes me think just one thing: Ugh.
So, at first I was thrilled to finally talk about all this in an academic forum. Then a couple days later I started to experience a little bit of doubt, and that doubt has turned into some outright panic about having to discuss this in person to academics. I'm worried: is anything I'm doing here actually worthy of being considered academic? Or, on the flip side, is anything I'm doing here actually worthy of being considered authentic writing? What's going to happen if I pull whatever-the-hell-this-is into the academic sphere where it can be theorized to death?
A bigger question might be this: what the hell IS this thing I'm writing? Can I even remotely call this a foray into an academic discussion? And, should I?